


What kind of mess have I gotten myself into

by CrIticaLLaughteR



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Killing Game (Dangan Ronpa), Fluff, Lies, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Prank Calls, Wrong number, calls, text talk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-06-14 11:45:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15388074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrIticaLLaughteR/pseuds/CrIticaLLaughteR
Summary: Saihara sent a message to the wrong number and he still regrets it to this day.little shit: HEY!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i named the doc as 'fuck this but oumasai text talk??!!' 
> 
> Saihara - italics  
> Ouma - bolded

(00:44)  _ Dear Hope’s Peak Academy, I apologize that I have lost the letter of acceptance with the registration form you sent last week. It was an unwanted accident. I hope it wouldn’t be a bother to resend the forms? Thank you. -Shuichi Saihara  _

(00:46)  **Dear Saihara, we are sorry to inform you that nope! It would be an absolute bother to resend the forms! If you are that bad at keeping your things in place I don’t think we want you here! Nice letter tho!**

(00:47)  **in case u didn’t notice u messaged the wrong num :P**

(00:50)  _... _

(00:52)  _ I spent so long trying to think up of a nice way to ask without getting kicked out and spent twice the amount of time just trying to get the courage to send the letter. And apparently I sent it to the wrong number... _

(00:53)  **sucks to be u man**

(00:53)  **tho it’s funny how the school for elites recruited a person with anxiety issues**

(00:54)  _ Hey! _

(00:54)  **and loses important documents**

(00:56)  _...it was an accident. _

(00:56)  **oh? What kind of accident was it?**

(00:57) _ Lets just say a string of bad events. _

(00:59)  _ Firstly, I was chasing after a dog-which was my client’s lost pet-, somehow my bag wasn’t closed properly, the paper got blown by the wind, and in the end, the dog caught it like a frisbee and was gone in a blink of an eye. _

(01:00)  **wow. I know someone with bullshit luck, but at least his luck was better than yours. Albeit fucked up but his luck works for him.**

(01:01)  **also client? What do you do?**

(01:04)  _ I help out my uncle who’s a detective sometimes. _

(01:05)  **oohhh. owo . so…… i’m guessing you’re getting chosen as**

(01:05)  **SUPER HIGH SCHOOL LEVEL DETECTIVE**

(01:05)  **amirite**

(01:08)  _ Yes. Though I wouldn’t call myself a detective, I just accidentally stumbled upon a huge case and accidentally solved it. _

(01:08)  **dude you dont accidentally solve cases**

(01:09)  **be more confident yo! Hopes Peak Academy doesnt mess around with its recruitment!**

(01:11)  _ I’m still fairly sure I’m not suited for the title. _

(01:12)  **welp suit urself**

(01:12)  **if i got into that school imma hold my head high while walking in and find out wtf is that school about lol**

(01:12) **its a mysterious place isnt it? Outsiders has no idea how the system works but it produces elites**

(01:13)  **or it just gathers elites and make it seem like the elites are made by them**

(01:13)  **hey! Youre a detective! Go find out the secrets inside that school and tell me about it!**

(01:15)  _ Pardon me? _

(01:15)  **i said use ur ‘detective’ ability to research the secrets of the school lol**

(01:15)  **wouldnt that be rly cool?!**

(01:16)  _ I don’t know though... _

(01:20)  **eh. Youre no fun. Detectives r supposed to solve mysteries and here is an opportunity to solve a rly big one! Y r u running from this :/**

(01:20)  **oh btw the school apparently doesnt sleeps and is quite efficient**

(01:22)  _? _

(01:22)  **i helped chicken saihara and sent the message to the school!**

(01:22)  _ WHAT _

(01:23)  **dont worry. They r nice they said that the new letters will be sent tmr. Also if u lose it again they will find you and make sure no other school accepts u**

(01:23)  **also that part is a lie. Cause im a liar!**

(01:24)  _ You…*sighs* _

(01:26)  _ Thank you I guess? I was on the way to give up on resending the message. _

(01:27)  **why did u have to text that u sighed irl**

(01:27)  **are u that frustrated with me that u had to shove it in my face**

(01:27)  **wow saihara is so mean**

(01:28)  _ Sorry! I didn’t mean that. It was just a habit I guess. _

(01:29)  **did u know that most of the meaning of our words r understood thru body language? Texting only has 20% of the meaning but u adding to it increases the chance of people getting the true meaning tho!**

(01:31)  _ You say it like it isn’t a good thing. It reduces miscommunication doesn’t it? _

(01:31)  **it isnt a good thing! Letting people know too much about urself can be dangerous u knw?**

(01:32)  **its like showing them ur weak spot and trusting that they wouldnt stab u right there**

(01:33)  _ You’re exaggerating. _

(01:34)  **a lil but its the truth! Nishishi~**

(01:34)  _ *sighs* _

(01:34)  **...**

(01:35)  **r u trying to**

(01:35)  _ *SIGHS* _

(01:37)  **KJSFNSIABDFASJDFBSADFBHERKSDALFNIE**

(01:37)  **i hate u**

(01:37) **stop expressing your disappointment in me as a human being with texted sighs**

(01:37)  **tho thats the 1st time ever someone tried to do that after i wrote that speech!**

(01:37)  **most people get weirded out and contemplate about blocking me!**

(01:37)  **i like u!**

(01:37)  **Saihara-chan is really interesting!**

(01:40)  _ You’re really weird... _

(01:41)  _ Also how fast do you type?! That was really quick. _

(01:42)  **Nishishi! I can type 1k words per minute! I won the guinness world record for typing the fastest on a phone!**

(01:47)  _ That’s a lie _

(01:48)  _ I checked the records and the fastest was under 500 words per minute _

(01:48)  **oops! I got caught! As expected of the SHSL detective!**

(01:49)  **did saihara-chan really went googling for it**

(01:50)  _...yes _

(01:55)  **dont worry i wasnt gone i just spent five minutes laughing**

(01:55)  **u take my jokes too seriously!**

(01:55)  **Nishishi! im having so much fun!**

(01:57)  _ glad that one of us is happy with the situation. _

(01:57)  **awwwwh is saihara-chan hurt~?**

(01:57)  **i didnt mean to be mean tho!**

(01:57)  **im just a liar :P**

(02:15)  **awhhh i guess saihara-chan dont want to talk to me anymore**

(02:15)  **im sad**

(02:15)  **QAQ**

(02:30)  **=3=**

(02:35)  **waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh saihara-chan is such a meanie! He left without a goodbye! *gif of a cartoon crying alot of tears***

(02:40)  **._.**

(02:40)  **.-.**

(02:41)  **Q^Q**

(......) (A/N: Ouma spammed Saihara till around 4am, with emotes, gifs and dead memes, not providing the content because it’s spam.)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ouma - bolded  
> Saihara - italics
> 
> i shud rly stop letting them text '...' only. u guys can't really recognize the diff format with just that right?

(06:36)  _ What happened here? _

(07:44)  _ I spent around an hour to read through everything how desperate are you? _

(07:45)  _ I’m sorry that I just ignored you like that. _

(07:46)  _ But I was kinda sleepy and felt that replying you is futile work. _

(07:47)  _ I also apologize for forgetting to at least say that I was leaving. _

(07:48)  _ But honestly I didn’t expect you to try to annoy me till dawn. _

(07:49)  _ Do you not sleep? _

(12:44)  **nope!**

(12:44)  **im a vampire that slps in the day and live for the night**

(12:44)  **mornings are overrated i wud rather sleep thru them all**

(12:45)  **also the night is when all my top secret meetings r held!**

(12:45)  **i gotta be awake for that!**

(13:31)  _ What kind of top secret meetings? _

(13:31)  **duuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh**

(13:31)  **it’s top secret of course i cant tell u what it is**

(13:31)  **but alot of ppls lives r at stake!!!**

(13:31)  **thats all that i can say ;)**

(13:33)  _ What do you even do? _

(13:34)  _ Wait forget that. _

(13:34)  _ You’re probably gonna make up some lies again. _

(13:35)  **wowwwwwwwwwwwww**

(13:35)  **we just met for a day saihara-chan!**

(13:35)  **u knw me too well**

(13:35)  **what if we r soulmates??!!**

(13:37)  _ I don’t believe in those stuffs. _

(13:38)  **meh. Suit urself.**

(13:38)  **tho i was gonna honestly tell you what i do**

(13:40)  _ And? What do you do? _

(13:41)  **im a supreme leader of evil!!!**

(13:41)  **my organization has more than 10000 members**

(13:41)  **we wreck havoc over the entire world!**

(13:42)  **we also control the global market and stuffs**

(13:42)  **does saihara-chan want to join my secret organization?**

(13:42) **a detective is** **useful! u can be my second in command!**

(13:44)  _...I will refuse that offer. _

(13:44)  **thats a shame**

(13:44)  **saihara-chan wud have made a great accomplice!**

(13:50)  _ I don’t really think so. _

(13:51)  _ How old are you anyway? _

(13:52)  **hm?**

(13:52)  **wud u believe me if i said 115**

(13:54)  _ No. _

(13:54)  **Nishishi~ I’m only 15!**

(13:55)  **and i assume saihara is around the same age as me!**

(13:56)  _ Yeah. I’m 15 too.  _

(13:57)  _ Also what’s your name? It feels unfair that you know mine but I don’t know yours. _

(13:58)  **well it was ur own fault that u sent me a mail with ur name**

(13:59)  **and i won’t tell u my real name!**

(13:59)  **gotta keep my identity confidential!**

(14:01)  **u can call me king horse if u want too :D**

(14:03)  _ That’s unfair you already knew my whole name, at least a family name? _

(14:04)  **hm**

(14:04)  **hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm**

(14:04) **hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm**

(14:04)  _ Okay. If you really don’t want to say it sure. _

(14:04)  **Ouma 王马**

(14:05)  _? _

(14:05)  **that’s my fam name**

(14:06)  _ That is literally king horse. _

(14:06)  **mhm! Cool right?!**

(14:06)  **some ppl say it looks like a name for royalty**

(14:07)  _ Well, maybe you are a king of horses. _

(14:08)  **Nishishi! Maybe I am! I can read horses minds from time to time**

(14:08)  **they all love me and follow my orders willingly**

(14:08)  **do you know that there are horses that likes to eat donuts and sugar cubes?**

(14:08)  **that’s a lie I have never seen a horse in my life.**

(14:10)  _ Not even in a zoo or barn?  _

(14:11)  **Nope! I never went to either places**

(14:11)  **and thats the truth!**

(14:14)  _ You should probably go there at least once in your life. _

(14:15)  **nah i heard tat the animals smelt rly bad**

(14:15)  **i dont want to waste money just to go to some weird place to ‘admire wildlife that r in cages and totally not in the wild’**

(14:15)  **tho**

(14:16)  **if saihara-chan brings me there i wud totally go with him!**

(14:18)  _ Eh?! _

(14:18)  **Nishishi~ my favourite animal is a penguin btw!**

(14:21)  _...sure _

(14:22)  _ If we ever meet up I guess I can bring you to a zoo. _

(14:23)  **yay~! Saihara-chan is the best!**

(14:23)  **tho too trustworthy!**

(14:23)  **what if i had been lying the whole time?**

(14:23)  **and was aiming to kill u when we meet?**

(14:24)  **or kidnap u and sell ur organs to the black market**

(14:24)  **ya knw human organs r rly expensive!**

(14:26)  _ I do know that actually. _

(14:26)  _ What if you are the one being trustworthy? _

(14:27)  _ Who knows? I might be a secret serial-killer too. _

(14:27)  **thats a shit lie saihara**

(14:27)  **im a liar and it takes one to recognize one**

(14:27)  **:P**

(14:30) ...

(14:31)  _ Sure. I got to go. _

(14:33)  _ *Saihara sent a picture* _

(14:33)  _ Thanks again for helping with the message by the way. _

(14:35)  **ur welcome <3333333**

 

(A/N: In Ouma’s phone Saihara is named as ‘Saihara-chan <3?’. In Saihara’s phone Ouma is named as ‘Ouma?’)

(A/N2: the picture was the letter in case u didn’t realise)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my enthusiasm made me decide to do two fanfics at once and im shooketh. rip school.  
> honestly it feels nice to write a text talk format fanfic bc it can be such a shitpost.  
> and i love shitposts.
> 
> also thank you to yall who kudo-ed commented and bookmarked wow. its sweet rly thank u <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have i mentioned that each new chapter is a different day?  
> now i did.
> 
> Ouma- bold  
> Saihara-italics

(12:52)  **hey saihara-chan**

(12:52)  **do u like peanut butter**

(12:59)  _ Is this a trick question? _

(13:00)  **im offended**

(13:00)  **no its not a trick question!**

(13:00)  **now answer the question saihara-chan!**

(13:02)  _ Sorry for doubting you. I don’t particularly hate or love peanut butter. I don’t mind eating it and won’t go looking for it? _

(13:03)  _ Does that answer your question? _

(13:03)  **yep!**

(13:03)  **thanks <3**

(13:08)  _ Why did you ask in the first place? _

(13:09)  **theres a fren here whos disgusted by peanut butter and doesnt understand why everyone likes it.**

(13:09)  **we r all here trying to see how many ppl like peanut butter and how many ppl hate them**

(13:09)  **currently likes 7 : 2 dislikes**

(13:09)  **they r saying that peanut butter is an abomination**

(13:10) ‘ **peanut and butter r two diff things that shudn’t be mixed tgt’ they say.**

(13:11)  **‘peanut butter is gooey sticky and disgusting’**

(13:12)  **oh shit theres gonna be a war here**

(13:12)  **this is great**

(13:15)  **l 15 : 5 d**

(13:15)  **i never knew ppl could hate peanut butter**

(13:15)  **this is some good show**

(13:44)  _ So, how did it ended? _

(13:44)  **both sides r gathering armies by asking everyone they know/see if they like peanut butter or not**

(13:44)  **likers wins by a majority btw**

(13:46)  _ Unsurprising. _

(13:47)  _ Or else there wouldn’t be so many peanut butter in the market. _

(13:48)  **tru**

(13:48)  **im using tat as an argument thanks**

(13:50)  _ Welcome. _

(14:15)  **Result of the peanut butter debate of the year**

(14:16)  **l 89 : 15 d**

(14:16)  **we ended the argument with peace and peanut butter cake**

(14:16)  **good food**

(14:16)  **i want someone to make a grape panta cake for me**

(14:16)  **saihara-channnnnnnnnnnnnn**

(14:25)  _ I won’t make a grape panta cake for you. _

(14:26)  _ I don’t even know how to bake. _

(14:27)  **ehhhhhhhhhhhhh**

(14:27) **what a** **shame =3=**

(14:27)  **saihara-chan is not husbando quality bc he cant cook**

(14:29)  _ What is that supposed to mean? _

(14:30)  **its an internet slang!**

(14:30)  **saihara-chan probably never uses tumblr or twitter does he?**

(14:33)  _...no _

(14:34)  **then its better for u to not knw!**

(14:34)  **gotta keep the rare pure children in the world :3**

(14:37)  _ I think I should feel offended by that. _

(14:37)  **its a compliment!**

(14:37)  **n thats the truth! nishishi~**

(14:39)  _ Wait a second. _

(14:39)  **a second has passed**

(14:40)  _ Is your ‘nishishi’ a reference to your name ‘horse’ _

(14:42)  **...no**

(14:44)  _ Ah, sorry. It was kind of rude for me to say that. _

(14:44)  **thats a lie!**

(14:44)  **nishishi!**

(14:45)  _? _

(14:45)  **my signature laugh was originally intended like that**

(14:46)  **but then it became a habit**

(14:46)  **saihara-chan wasnt wrong at all!**

(14:47)  _ Oh. I take back my apology then. _

(14:47)  **mean!**

(14:49)  **whats saihara-chan’s favourite cake flavor?**

(14:51)  _ I don’t have any particular favourite. _

(14:52)  _ but my uncle buys me chocolate/vanilla ones and I think they taste great. _

(14:53)  **such a boring choice**

(14:53)  **i expected better of u!**

(14:55)  _ What is your favourite flavor then? Mr.Interesting _

(14:55)  **saihara is offended aha**

(14:55)  **of course its panta! The grape one**

(14:56)  _ I didn’t know that panta is a cake flavor _

(14:56)  **it is! Theres a local bakery that specializes in them!**

(14:56)  **i love them!**

(14:56)  **they also make pig feet flavored cakes!**

(14:57)  _ That’s obviously a lie. _

(14:57)  **i hate lies and jokes.**

(14:57)  **just kidding! That was a lie**

(14:57)  **but is it a lie?**

(14:57)  **neither of us know every single flavor of cake in the world**

(14:57)  **who knows? Maybe there is a place that makes pig feet cakes!**

(14:58)  **disgusting but humans have done worst**

(14:59)  _ But that is still a lie. _

(14:59)  **hm? And why is that?**

(15:02)  _ Because you said your ‘local bakery’ makes them _

(15:02)  _ And deciphering your other words, that is a lie. _

(15:02)  **caught again by the Ultimate Detective!**

(15:03)  **saihara-chan is great at this!**

(15:04)  _ You just make your obvious lies obvious just to mess with me :/ _

(15:05)  **nishishi!**

(15:05)  **half of my lies r told with a good intention afterall!**

(15:05)  **it helped with saihara-chan’s critical thinking!**

(15:08)  _ It only provided headaches trying to know which are lies and which are not. _

(15:09)  **i was gonna say something about truth and lies**

(15:09)  **but since ure in pain i will refrain from making ur head a much bigger mess**

(15:11)  _ thanks _

(15:12)  **r u alright tho?**

(15:13)  _ just a small fever i guess _

(15:14)  _ ate some medication and i hope it will go off quickly _

(15:15)  **oh**

(15:17)  **drink more water! Get some rest! Sleep it off!**

(15:17)  **i will stop bothering u until u get better!**

(15:17)  **this is a huge sacrifice btw!**

(15:17)  **im gonna be bored without saihara-chan around :(**

(15:20)  _ thanks. And i'm sure you can find someone else to torment  _ _ to cure your boredom soon. _

(15:21) **get well soon my beloved saihara <3**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly thanks for the love, i never expected so many people wud like this shitpost <3\. and i had a lot of fun writing it eventho there's alot of writer blocks involved! Feel free to give prompts btw, i might not use it but it could inspire something! also mistakes r very welcomed to be pointed out.
> 
> The peanut butter thing happened in my class one day. though quickly dismissed bc of recess ending.
> 
> Thank you for reading and have a nice day!!!
> 
> Added note: idk how did i heard/saw that they were 17 and i panicked a lot wondering if i got the info wrong. But apparently the wikia doesn't write their age? or am i blind lmao. So i followed what supposed to be their age b4 going to high school 14/15.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ouma - bolded  
> Saihara - italics

(00:44) _someone kill me please_

(00:44) **sure where do u live**

(00:45) ***** _Saihara sent a location*_

(00:45) **kasdaisdkne**

(00:45) **I WAS JOKING**

(00:45) **DONT SEND UR ADDRESS TO RANDOM STRANGERS YOU DONT KNW**

(00:46) _Check the location i’m sick and tired but not stupid._

(00:46) **...**

(00:46) **u sent me the location of mount everest**

(00:46) **y the sudden asking for death in the middle of the night??**

(00:46) **saihara-chan worried me >A<**

(00:50) _Sorry I didn’t mean to worry you._

(00:51) _I’m fine actually. it’s just that I have a lot of things to do and I’m still sick._

(00:52) **being sick is not fine saihara-chan**

(00:52) **what r these things that r stopping u from getting some rest**

(00:54) _A group presentation, an assignment and a math test all due tomorrow._

(00:54) **go to sleep then!**

(00:55) _I have *things* to do._

(00:56) **nah unnecessary**

(00:57) _Sleep is unnecessary._

(00:58) **i will fite u on that**

(00:59) _Try me._

(00:59) **u asked 4 it**

(00:59) **PREPARE FOR WAR**

(01:01) _How are you gonna fight me with messages to be honest?_

(01:03) **i was planning to stalk out ur house address and place sleeping pills on everything edible**

(01:04) _What?!_

(01:04) _You can’t do that._

(01:04) **the supreme leader of evil has his ways of doing stuffs ;)**

(01:06) _I don’t believe any of that._

(01:06) **suit urself but dont go throwing all ur food away when u find urself being constantly slpy**

(01:06) **wasting food is not good :/**

(01:08) _Don’t worry it won’t happen._

(01:08) _Because you couldn’t do it in the first place._

(01:08) **hm? And why is that?**

(01:10) _I live on takeaways._

(01:11) **i can poison it before it reaches ur hse**

(01:12) _I have things that can check for poison in food._

(01:12) _You are distracting me from my work._

(01:12) **yes**

(01:12) **now there isn’t enough time for work!**

(01:14) **sleep!**

(01:14) _Was that your plan all along?_

(01:14) **nope!**

(01:15) _That looks so suspicious honestly._

(01:15) _I can’t afford to sleep with all the work due tomorrow._

(01:15) **at leasttttttttt get 3 hours**

(01:19) _I could do so much more with that 3 hours._

(01:20) **okay**

(01:20) **screw that young man u r going to slp rn**

(01:21) _What is that change of tone._

(01:21) **u have signs of a person who doesnt slp enuf**

(01:21) **slp is important**

(01:21) **Adequate sleep is a key part of a healthy lifestyle, and can benefit your heart, weight, mind, and more. Sleep is vital for learning and memory, and lack of sleep impacts our health, safety, and longevity.**

(01:23) _Can I assume that you googled that?_

(01:23) **dont change the topic**

(01:23) **SLEEP**

(01:24) _I don’t need to sleep. I need to finish my works._

(01:24) **liar.**

(01:24) **ur body needs slp and u totally want to slp rn**

(01:25) _No. I could totally live without sleep._

(01:25) **probably like a zombie**

(01:25) **NOW SLEEP**

(01:25) **i will know if u didnt**

(01:25) **trust me i have my ways**

(01:25) **i wud forcibly go to ur place and put sleeping pills into your food and drinks**

(01:27) _There’s no need to be so extreme. (You also mentioned that tactic twice should I be worried?)_

(01:27) _I will sleep for now._

(01:28) **don’t set an alarm at 4am (also yes u shud be worried)**

(01:29) _What? How did you know? (*worries*)_

(01:29) **listen (good)**

(01:29) **i have physic powers that let me read minds**

(01:29) **and right now saihara-chan is thinking about how he doesnt believe that**

(01:30) _Of course I don’t._

(01:30) _Well, *sigh* goodnight._

(01:30) **nighty night!**

(01:30) **sleep tight! Dont let the bed bugs bite! <3**

 

(14:43) _I actually listened to you and everything screwed up._

(14:44) _First, I overslept and came into class during maths test_

(14:45) _So, I lost valuable 30 minutes for answering questions_

(14:46) _Then, our group panicked because I didn’t finish the ppt for presentation and we had to go on unprepared._

(14:47) _The teacher yelled at me for not passing up my assignment._

(14:47) _The only good point is that I have recovered fully._

(14:48) _I’m probably never gonna do this again but it was nice to sleep for more than 5 hours. I actually feel alive today._

(14:49) _So thanks for...convincing me to sleep Ouma-kun?_

(15:03) **awhhhh im glad saihara-chan took my advice**

(15:04) **unlike my fam she just collapsed from overworking. that idiot.**

(15:06) _Is she alright???_

(15:06) **yea she just needed some sleep**

(15:06) **i just hope they wud listen to my advices**

(15:06) **i always give excellent advices!!!**

(15:08) _I doubt that._

(15:08) **hey i do!**

(15:08) **ppl just dont appreciate it );**

(15:09) _I do appreciate your efforts though._

(15:09) _It’s really nice of you to do so._

(15:10) **awh saihara-chan is making me blush**

(15:11) **welp im tired good night**

(15:12) _Good night??_

(15:12) _It’s 3 in the afternoon_

(15:12) **duh i can see the time on my phone**

(15:12) _???_

(15:13) _Why are you sleeping at this hour._

(15:14) **i stayed awake last night to watch porn**

(15:15) _What?_

(15:16) _I’m not judging you._

(15:16) **liar u r totally judging me**

(15:16) **but that was a lie!**

(15:17) **i stayed awake to read a book called the blindspot of thinking**

(15:18) _That’s oddly specific..._

(15:19) **its the truth!**

(15:20) _Sure._

(15:25) **i cant slp**

(15:25) **its saihara-chan’s fault**

(15:26) _Eh? Why?_

(15:26) **because researchers say that looking at ur phone b4 sleeping will interfere with ur sleep**

(15:26) **and i looked bc of saihara’s messages**

(15:26) **now i cant slp :(**

(15:27) _I’m sorry I didn’t know about your sleep schedule beforehand._

(15:27) **nah its alright**

(15:28) **i dont have a sleep schedule in the first place nishishi~**

(15:28) **my sleep schedule is all kinds of messed up**

(15:29) _That is unhealthy._

(15:29) **yea mr.i ditch slp for unimportant work**

(15:30) _Hey!_

(15:31) **‘i cant slp i have work to do’**

(15:31) **‘i can do so much if i dont slp’**

(15:31) **‘slp is unnecessary’**

(15:32) _Okay, you can stop now._

(15:33) _What can I do to apologize for taking away your sleep?_

(15:34) **hm**

(15:34) **oh!**

(15:35) **tell me a bedtime story saihara-chan!**

(15:35) **usually bedtime stories make me sleepy!**

(15:36) _But wouldn’t it be counter-productive?_

(15:36) **?**

(15:37) _Because you are going to look at your phone while I’m writing out the story, and phones interferes with your sleep._

(15:38) **tru**

(15:38) **there’s another option though.**

 

*Ouma? is calling you*

*You accepted the call*

 

“ **Hewwo! Saihara-chan! It’s Ouma here!”**

_“Ouma-kun, you shocked me! Give me a warning before calling next time please!”_

**“Nishishi~ You sound different than I expected.”**

_“Yeah, I know I don’t sound like a guy. You--”_

**“It’s cute!”**

_“Wha...er...ahem. You don’t sound as different as I expected actually.”_

**“What do I sound like?”**

_“A hyperactive child.”_

**“Rude! I’m 15! Now give me the bedtime story!”**

_“So demanding.”_

**“I can be even more demanding ;)”**

_“What are you doing stop sounding so sexual.”_

**“Saihara-chan started it!”**

_“I’m not going to argue with who started it but it was definitely you. Ahem. Once upon a time--”_

**“Generic.”**

_“Don’t interrupt me. Once upon a time, there was a annoying prince called Ouma.”_

**“I’m happy that you made me the prince but I’m not happy that you called me annoying.”**

_“He was annoying and demanding. Constantly pestering people and forcing workers to get some rest.”_

**“Hey! It was for your own good!”**

_“He loves bedtime stories and one day he asked a detective to tell him a story. The detective asked the prince what genre of story he would like, the prince said.”_

**“Wow! This story is interactive, cool! I want a horror story.”**

_“The detective mentally commented that horror stories are not suitable before bed but said yes to the prince.”_

**“Wow it took this long and you just started the prologue.”**

_“Shut up. I’m making this up on the spot.”_

**“Okay! I can take whatever shitty story saihara-chan makes!”**

_“It was a cold winter night, and a little girl was walking through the town with clothes that do not suit the weather. In her hand held a bundle of matchsticks, and she desperately asked the townspeople to buy them from her.”_

**“Are you going to make the little matchstick girl into a horror story?”**

_“Yes and shut up your highness.”_

**“That’s rude to your prince, if i weren’t anticipating how you were going to do it. I would have asked the guards to cut your head off.”**

_“Brutal my prince, but I shall continue the story. The people rejected her, laughed at her for selling matchsticks when everyone else had been using lighters instead. In the end, the streets had cleared up, and the little girl was left alone on a cold winter night.”_

**“You used the phrase ‘cold winter night’ twice.”**

_“On a freezing snowy night. She got up and tried to walk back home, but a blizzard stroke through the village. It blocked her view with snow white, and she walked with difficulty. She walked for hours, and couldn’t even feel her feet. The little girl realized that she may be lost in the blizzard. With her short range of vision, she saw a huge mansion in front of her and walked towards it. Hoping the owner would let her in.”_

**“Oooohhh, this is where the horror part starts isn’t it?”**

_“She knocked on the door, surprisingly, it swung wide open and she went inside. The door slammed back loudly after the little girl had stepped in. The house was had no lights except for a fire and a figure of a woman sitting beside it. The little girl, wishing for warmth, started to walk towards the fire.”_

**“Like a moth. The idiot.”**

_“As she slowly walked towards the fire, the figure of the woman was starting to clear up. She heard slight sniffing and coughing from there, and saw that the woman was fiddling with something in her hands.”_

**“Let me guess, it’s a dead body.”**

_“As she walked even closer, it was the picture of a happy family.”_

**“Awh...you totally changed it just because I said it! Saihara-chan is so mean!”**

_“It was the little girl’s family, as she looked at the face of the woman, she realized that it was her grandmother!”_

**“Excuse you I asked for horror not wholesome.”**

**_“_ ** _Her grandmother smiled at her and welcomed her with wide arms, the little girl jumped into it, hugging her grandmother that she thought had died. But suddenly, the little girl felt a pain in her stomach, she looked down to see a knife sticking through her belly.”_

**“Gruesome.”**

_“She looked at her grandmother in horror, and realized that her grandmother’s face had deformed into a monster with features that she couldn’t describe. The little girl was pushed into the fire and burned alive without a scream. The end.”_

**“Oh my god, saihara-chan you are shit at making horror stories.”**

_“I know you chose the genre I’m the most unfamiliar with.”_

**“At least you tried. What is your favourite genre?”**

_“My--”_

**“No no. Let me guess. It’s mystery crime novels right? Right?”**

_“...yes.”_

**“Nishishi~ I was right!”**

_“Are you satisfied now, my prince?”_

**“Yes, you have entertained me. I shall fall asleep at a moment.”**

_“Sleep well. And try to live a healthier life with better sleep schedules.”_

**“I will do that if saihara-chan sleeps more than 6 hours a day and doesn’t eat takeaways for a week. *Yawns*.”**

_“That’s impossible but go to sleep Ouma-kun.”_

**“Nishishi~ Thank you and good night saihara-chan!”**

 

*The call has ended*

 

(A/N: Ouma recorded Saihara’s voice and fell asleep to the recording because it was comforting.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> foo it's been 3 weeks? since i updated and i feel guilty but it's probably gonna be slow updates in the future as well ;(. sry abt that. Ya no what's taking up my time? zines (also school). I got in zines and it feels cool and also really pressuring aha. I actually wrote this chapter like 2 weeks ago but didn't like how it turned out and then rewrote everything today.
> 
> Thank you for reading <3.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey. There's new people here
> 
> Saihara - italics  
> Ouma - bold  
> Akamatsu - normal  
> Iruma - underline
> 
> They needed someone to scream to after the call. That was what I was thinking when writing this chapter

(16:38) _Akamatsu-san._

(16:39) _You were wrong he is not a fifty year old man trying to steal my bank account._

(16:40) _Or a serial killer waiting for my address._

(16:41) _He sounds like a child._

(16:44) Wait what

(16:44) What do you mean by he sounds like a child

(16:46) _It means what it means, he sounds like a demanding child._

(16:47) WHAT

(16:47) YOU GUYS CALLED EACH OTHER?????!!!!!!

(16:48) WHY WASN’T I INFORMED OF THIS DEVELOPMENT

(16:49) _The call just ended._

(16:50) What did you guys talk about??

(16:51) Who started the call?

(16:51) Wait no dont answer that its not you

(16:53) _Yes it was Ouma-kun who started the call._

(16:54) _I told him a bedtime story…?_

(16:55) But you said the call just ended

(16:56) _He has an even worse schedule than me._

(16:57) Omg

(16:58) How long have you been texting him again?

(16:58) _Er...around two weeks?_

(16:58) _There were zero messages for some days._

(16:59) How did the texts develop into calls

(17:00) _Well...he kinda blamed me for causing his insomnia..._

(17:00) _And I asked what can I do to apologize._

(17:01) _He wanted a bedtime story._

(17:01) _I said it was counterproductive because he mentioned that phones interferes with sleep._

(17:02) _He then sent a message about another option._

(17:02) Then he called.

(17:03) What story did you tell him?

(17:05) _He wanted a horror story, which I usually don’t read. (Is this an interrogation?)_

(17:06) _So I tried to make up something on the spot?_

(17:07) _I took the little matchstick girl and turned it into a horror story._

(17:08) _The result is bad according to him._

(17:09) I expected that. (yes it’s an interrogation you have to tell your best friend everything about your unexpected love life)

(17:10) _Love life??!!_

(17:11) He calls you ‘my beloved saihara <3’

(17:13) _Did you flip through my messages?!_

(17:13) No!

(17:14) You placed it on the table and I just walked by and saw the notifs!

(17:14) I didn’t mean to peep!

(17:16) _Okay._

(17:17) _I think he means the beloved as a joke._

(17:18) _We are just friends?  
_

(17:18)  _At least I think we are friends._

(17:18) No one calls strangers ‘my beloved’

(17:18) You are my best friend but I dont call you 'my beloved'

(17:19) My point still stands

(17:19) A teen can still hack your accounts

(17:20) But in the meantime, come over and tell me everything in person you type too slow and I need to listen to the worst horror story of the century

  
(......) they had tea and a nice chat.  


* * *

 

(23:23) **iruma-chan**

(23:23) **IRUMA**

(23:23) **MIU IRUMA**

(23:23) **YOU PIG WAKE UP I NEED SOMEONE TO SCREAM TO**

(23:25)  WHAT THE HECK 

(23:25)  WHAT R U FKING SCREAMING FOR 

(23:26)  I NEED MY BEAUTY SLEEP 

(23:27)  DO YOU THINK MY FLAWLESS SKIN IS MAINTAINED EFFORTLESSLY 

(23:27) **SHUT UP IM SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONE SCREAMING HERE**

(23:27) **I CALLED HIM**

(23:28)  called who 

(23:28) **SAIHARA-CHAN**

(23:29)  oh wow u did it thru the phone??!! 

(23:30)  never wud have thought you like those stuffs 

(23:30)  but then again 

(23:31) **SHUT UP**

(23:31) **WE DIDNT DO WHATEVER UR FILTHY MIND CAME UP WITH**

(23:31) **HE WAS RLY SWEET OKAY**

(23:32)  omg hes a vanilla 

(23:33) **HE SOUNDS CUTER THAN I EXPECTED**

(23:33) **HES ALSO SHIT AT HORROR STORIES**

(23:33) **KADJNSUIASJKNDIRKJNASDISLDJKNAS**

(23:34)  okay stop fangirling 

(23:35) u look like a teenage girl with their first crush

(23:35)  what did i do to deserve this 

(23:35) **u signed the deal when u asked for our top tier services**

(23:36)  i dont rmb the deal needing me to listen to u scream about ur newfound crush 

(23:36) **thats the extra deal**

(23:37) goddammit

(23:37)  why didnt u scream at kiibo instead he’s a robot he doesnt need slp 

(23:37) **kiibos voice ‘thats robophobic!’**

(23:38) **but isnt keeboy at his creators place for check ups**

(23:39)  no he’s free imma send kiibo over for u to scream at 

(23:41)  im not gonna sacrifice my beauty sleep and ears for this bs 

(23:42) **theres no nid for keeboy i just needed a moment to scream after waking up and realizing what i did**

(23:43)  glad to be of fking service 

(23:43) **i dont like u too iruma-chan**

 

(......) Iruma got her sleep while Ouma ranted on his private twitter

 

* * *

 

(00:44) _Hey are we friends?_

(00:44) **no**

(00:46) _Oh okay._

(00:47) **its a lie** **!**

(00:47) **of course we r frens**

(00:47) **unless saihara-chan doesn’t want to be my fren QAQ**

(00:47) **i honestly thought better of saihara-chan**

(00:47) **the promise of going to a zoo together, telling me a bedtime story, all those messages...**

(00:48) **was it all a lie????**

(00:48) **（；´д｀）ゞ**

(00:50) _No!_

(00:51) _I see you as a friend._

(00:52) _I was just wondering if you see me that way too or am I just a stranger to cure your boredom._

(00:52) **saihara-chan thought of me as someone mean**

(00:52) **(っ °Д °;)っ**

(00:53) _Sorry…_

(00:53) **dont worry i was just messing with u!**

(00:53) **nishishi~**

(00:53) **what caused this sudden question?**

(00:54) _It was nothing. I was talking to a friend and thought of you._

(00:55) **awhhh saihara-chan keeps me in his thoughts <3**

(00:55) **i think of u everyday too!**

(00:57) _Thank you?  
_

(00:58)  **nishishi~**

(00:58)  **its late its time for u to slp saihara-channnnnnn  
**

(01:00)  _Are you trying to replace my friend's role of being my mother hen?_

(01:01)  **i didnt know u had a mother hen fren but i wouldnt replace them**

(01:01)  **because two is better than one nishishi~**

(01:01)  **we wud collaborate and make sure saihara-chan doesnt die of a young age!**

(01:02)  _Oh no._

(01:03)  **oh yes go to sleep**

(01:03)  **one day imma talk to ur mother hen fren and we gonna establish some kind of schedule we can work on to check on u**

(01:05)  _For my own selfish reasons, I would prefer to never introduce the both of you to each other._

(01:06)  _Goodnight.  
_

(01:07)  **awh thats a shame**

(01:07)  **nitey nite! sweet dreams <3**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was contemplating between iruma/kiibo as ouma's buddy but then used iruma and i regret  
> The combo of Iruma + Ouma will make the ratings a mess and im contemplating on whether shud i keep them to a minimum or go ahead and change the ratings.  
> *worries about characterizations of the girls*  
> Also statistics in ao3 is a thing and i saw there were people subscribing to the fic and bookmarking and i just?! thank you for thinking that this shitpost is worth ur time *inner tears*  
> Also thanks for reading yall have a nice day!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ouma - bolded  
> Saihara - Italics
> 
> Momota - italics and underlined

*Ouma? Is calling you*

*You rejected the call*   
  


*Ouma? Is calling you*

*You rejected the call*

 

(09:44)  **saihara-chan!**

(09:44)  **pick up the phone!**

(09:44)  **it’s urgent!!!!!!!!!!!**

 

*Ouma? Is calling you*

*You accepted the call*

 

_ “What’s wrong?” _

**“Is your refrigerator running?”**

_ “What?” _

**“I repeat. Is your refrigerator running?”**

_ “I’m in school how would I know if my refrigerator is running?” _

**“Make assumptions!”**

_ “Unless a blackout happened, it’s most likely running.” _

**“Then you better go catch it!”**

_ “...” _

 

*The call ended*

 

(09:50)  _ Did you just call me to prank call me? _

(09:51)  **no**

(09:52)  _ Should I be expecting this more often? _

(09:52)  **yes**

(09:53)  _ Do I have a saying in this? _

(09:53)  **nope!**

(09:54)  _ Okay. _

(09:55)  **(o゜▽゜)o☆**  
  


* * *

 

***** Ouma? Is calling you*

*You have a missed call from Ouma?*

 

*Ouma? Is calling you*

*You accepted the call*

 

_ “...hello?” _

**“Saihara-chan~!”**

 

*The call has ended*

 

(03:20)  **that was mean!**

(03:21)  _ Please look at the clock. _

(03:22)  **hm?**

(03:22)  **its the most godly hour of the night when people usually do not sleep**

(03:22)  **whats the problem with it?**

(03:23)  _ The problem is that I do sleep at this goldy hour. _

(03:24)  **u are weird**

(03:24)  **and u made a typo**

(03:25)  _ Goodnight. _

(03:25)  **sweet dreams <3!**

  
  


(08:22)  _ Why did you call me in the middle of the night? _

(08:22)  _ Sorry if it was important. _

(08:32)  **nah it wasn’t important**

(08:32)  **just brainstorming ways to assassinate the president without being caught**

(08:32)  **want to help :D?**

(08:35)  _ I’ll refuse. _

(08:37)  **shame**

(08:38)  _ Are you serious about it? _

(08:41)  **of course i am!**

(08:41)  **my team has been plotting this for months!**

(08:41)  **ah**

(08:42)  **and now I have to kill you too saihara-chan**

(08:42)  _ Eh?! Why? _

(08:43)  **because you know too much**

(08:44)  _ But you were the one who told me that! _

(08:44)  **true**

(08:44)  **maybe i cant kill you hmmmm**

(08:45)  **whats 1+1**

(08:48)  _ 2. _

(08:49)  **you know too much. now you must die!**

(08:50)  _ But everyone knows that! _

(08:50)  **nishishi~ any last words?**

(08:51)  _ This is unfair. _

(08:52)  **life is unfair**

(08:52)  **but don’t worry! u wont die today!**

(08:53)  _ Okay? _

(08:53)  **i will just frame u for murder**

(08:54)  _ I will make sure that I have alibis then. _

(08:54)  **hmmmmmm**

(08:54)  **right**

(08:54)  **u r a detective**

(08:54)  **i guess i will just have to kill u then**

(08:54)  **prepare to die! You don’t have much chapters left :3**

(08:56)  _ What do you mean by that? _

(08:56)  **nishishi~ a magician never shares his secrets**

(08:58)  _ From what I’ve heard, you are a ‘Supreme Leader of Evil’, not a magician _

(08:58)  **well, i did mention that im a liar right?**

(08:58)  _...yes. _

(08:59)  **so the magician part was a lie**

(08:59)  **but the supreme leader of evil of over 10000 members is the truth!**

(09:01)  _ I still don’t believe that. No organization I know fits your description. _

(09:02)  **well its a secret organization you dummy**

(09:02)  **if everyone knows about us and how much control we have over the world**

(09:02) * **dun dun dun***

(09:02)  **people will panic! And then the entire world will be a mess!**

(09:02)  **no one wants that to happen**

(09:03)  **peace is the best thing in the world afterall!**

(09:03)  **so for my organization to lead the world peacefully**

(09:03)  **saihara-chan must die!**

(09:05)  _ I feel that you are very keen on killing me. _

(09:06)  **i will be sad on the lost of a valuable fren**

(09:06)  **but for my organization you must die!**

(09:06)  **or**

(09:06)  **join my organization! A detective is valuable and can help us cover up our traces!**

(09:07)  _ That is not the work of a detective. _

(09:07)  **but u can do that. And that is useful**

(09:09)  _ I never said that I can do it. _

(09:10)  **but u never said you cant as well**

(09:11)  _ My answer will always be no. _

(09:11)  **hm**

(09:11)  **well then!**

(09:11)  **whenever u change ur mind just tell me**

(09:11)  **i will welcome you with a wholesome tea party!**

(09:13)  _ Sure. _

 

* * *

 

*Ouma? Is calling*

*You have (3) missed calls*

 

*Ouma? Is calling*

*You accepted the call*

 

**“Hello! Saihara-chan!”**

_ “Hello?” _

**“Hello?”**

_ “Hello? Who is this?” _

**“Hello? Is anyone there?”**

_ “Hello? If you are looking for Saihara he isn’t here.” _

**"H-hello? P-please...if anyone is there."**

_"Yes?"_

**“Please...help...me…*static* ”**

 

*The call has ended*

*Calling Ouma?*

 

_ “Hello? Are you okay?” _

**“ *static* ”**

_ “Is this damn phone working…” _

**“ *sounds of chainsaws* ”**

_"What was that?"_

**" *sounds of people screaming and blood splattering* "**

_ “Hello?! Is anyone there?! Are you okay? Where are you?” _

 

*The call has ended*

 

*Ouma? Is calling you*

*You accepted the call*

 

_ “Hello?” _

**“Y̴̢̙̙̎̊͝͝O̸̺̠̫͕̒͊̔͜Ŭ̸̹̌̕̕ ̸̢̫͈̲͕͋̀́̃W̴̹̤͖̏̏̍͝ͅI̷̖͚̓L̵͕̖̭̄̍̅͌ͅL̷̳̱̋̈́̑̑̒ͅͅ ̴͎̝̫͍͕̈́̈̍̃͂B̴͍̜͎̜̎̚ͅE̶̢̘̥͌̉̾͐͘ ̷̛̹̜̱̈́̽̈Ņ̶͍̭͋̏E̶̛̛̩͈̺̮̼̓X̴̡̦̑͒͠T̴̠͎̥͛͌̈.̴͎͉̿.̴̗̙̫̫͍͚̎̉̋̓̔̊̈́̏̓̆̌̽̆̽̕”**

_ “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” _

 

*The call has ended* 

*Ouma? Is calling you*

*You have (1) missed call*

*Ouma? Is calling you*

*You accepted the call*

 

_ “H-Hello?” _

**“Hello to Saihara’s friend! Don’t worry, everything is fine here! Tell Saihara-chan that I miss him! Be back soon!”**

_ “W-what?” _

**“I will send the recordings of your confusion and scream to Saihara-chan! I made spares as well so deleting them is futile work.”**

_ “...” _

**“Oh yeah! In case you were too much of an idiot to understand, you just got pranked. Nishishi~. Hav--”**

 

*The call has ended*

  
  
  


(17:22)  **hello saihara-chan!**

(17:32)  _ Hello? Who is this? _

(17:35)  ***gasp***

(17:35)  **im hurt**

(17:35) **u** **forgot about me :(**

(17:36)  _ Is this Ouma-kun? _

(17:36)  **bingo!**

(17:36)  **the one and only!**

(17:37)  _ I didn’t recognize you for a second. _

(17:38)  _ Someone changed your contact name in my phone _

(17:39)  **oooh**

(17:39)  **what is it now?**

(17:41)  _ ‘little shit’ _

(17:42)  **oh wow**

(17:43)  **your friend must be pissed**

(17:44)  _ What did you do? _

(17:45)  **waaaahhhhh**

(17:45)  **y did u assume that i did something?**

(17:45)  **but yeah.**

(17:45)  **its nothing big**

(17:46)  **i let him listen to some voice clips!**

(17:47)  **oh right!**

 

*Ouma-kun sent a recording*

 

(17:57) _ ...I should apologize to Momota-kun. _

(17:58)  **send him my love thanks!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof. I feel guilty for long updates and shorter chapters. It was hard to write for some reason dklsajndas. hopefully yall still had fun reading it. I originally wanted to make this entire chapter about prank calls but i realize i have no idea how to write them. Like i've heard of alot of them but they are so situation specific??
> 
> Exams are hell yall. School exams came and went and now I have to study for gov exams. *cries* how do i memorize two years worth of materials in another language in two weeks
> 
> also question? Do you guys like this fic to be purely text/calls only or can I write storytelling into it too? *cough* meet up *cough* my writing isn't that good but uh i try? Or should i separate them into two fics hm. Or should i just not write it bc i dont have time to anyway.  
> I made a poll for the sake of it : https://linkto.run/p/IO07WZ5F (nothing is set in stone im just asking in case)
> 
> thanks for reading and i'll probably see yall at december <3
> 
> *passes cookies to people who finish reading this long note*  
> *more cookies to people who went thru the link*  
> *everyone should have cookies*  
> *cookies*


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i mention that we do not see every single message/call they've sent each other 0u0?  
> I failed at adding images ouch. i'll do it next time

(09:29)  **this reminds me of you!** **  
** ****

***Ouma sent a picture***

(09:33)  _...why? _

(09:34)  **for no reason, shumai-chan~~~**

(09:36)  **you are really tasty 0u0**

(09:45)  _ I believe you are talking about the food. _

(09:46)  **duuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh**

(09:46)  **what do u think i am?**

(09:46)  **a disgusting cannibal?**

(09:46)  **tsk tsk**

(09:46)  **im disappointed in you**

(09:55)  _ Do you know that the actual pronunciation is leaning more towards Xiumai than Shumai? _

(09:56)  _ So, it actually doesn’t sound like my name. _

(09:57)  _ Which is the reason why it reminded you of me. _

(09:58)  _ Am I wrong? _

(09:59)  **BEEP BOOP**

(10:00)  **shumai-chan is wrong!**

(10:00)  **you are going by a native’s pronunciation**

(10:00)  **but have you actually heard a native speak?**

(10:00)  **it actually does have similarities!**

(10:02)  _ Have you ever heard a native speak?  _

(10:03)  _ The different accents will have slight difference in pronunciation. _

(10:03)  **:000000000**

(10:04)  **i guess we shall never know the truth of the case!**

(10:04)  **time to kidnap some people to get to the bottom of this!**

(10:04)  **dont worry shumai-chan**

(10:05)  **no one will be harmed!**

(10:06)  _ I would be less worried if you had not said that. _

(10:07)  **but how can i harm people while asking for simple information?**

(10:07)  _ But how can you harm people while asking for simple information? _

(10:07)  **JINX**

(10:07)  _ Oh. We said it at the same time. _

(10:08)  **awhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh**

(10:08)  **saihara-chan should have said jinx**

(10:08)  **and then we could jinx again**

(10:08)  **an opportunity missed**

(10:09)  **such a shame >3<**

(10:10)  _ Sorry? _

(10:10)  **nishishi~**

(10:10)  **does shumai-chan have mind reading abilities hm?**

(10:10)  **thats a valuable talent that my organization needs! (0u0)//**

(10:10)  **it would save the time and resources needed for interrogations!**

(10:13)  _ Sorry to disappoint, but I do not have mind reading abilities. _

(10:14)  _ Maybe you have those abilities? _

(10:15)  **blegh**

(10:15)  **saihara-chan doesnt really believe in that**

(10:16)  **(0u0)!!!**

(10:16)  **my subordinates are planning a riot to overthrow me**

(10:16)  **this is going to be interesting**

(10:16)  **gotta go ruin their plan**

(10:16)  **bye saihara-chan~~~~~**

(10:17)  _ Stay safe? _

(10:17)  **thanks <3 will do! **

(10:17)  **i will not die till i get to meet saihara-chan in person! (0u0)//**

 

* * *

 

(15:06)  **updates!**

(15:06)  **their plan has failed miserably**

(15:06)  **the main organizer was my left hand man**

(15:06)  **tsk tsk**

(15:16)  _ If you don’t mind me asking, how did you get the leader role? _

(15:16)  **oh! Finally saihara-chan believes that im a supreme leader?! 0u0!!**

(15:18)  _ Don’t get me wrong. _

(15:19)  _ I still don’t believe you. _

(15:19)  **ouchie**

(15:19)  **thats harsh QuQ**

(15:19)  **but if u rly want to know~**

(15:19)  **kneel down like a dog and beg for it!**

(15:21)  _ What?! _

(15:22)  _ You can’t even see me! _

(15:22)  **nishishi~**

(15:23)  **that was a lie**

(15:24)  **the truth is that u have to sacrifice one of your fingers as an offering!**

(15:24)  **once you cut it i’ll send u an address for u to ship it over here as proof!**

(15:25)  _ I’ll refuse. _

(15:26)  **shameeeeee**

(15:26)  **that's really valuable information**

(15:26)  **who knows? U might learn from me and get urself into the top of an organization!**

(15:27)  _ You might not even tell the truth. _

(15:27)  **nishishi**

(15:27)  **welp**

(15:28)  **since im bored and i like you**

(15:28)  **ill confess!**

(15:28)  **i killed my father to get his spot**

(15:29)  _ What?! _

(15:30)  **its a tough life u knw**

(15:30)  **gotta constantly watch my back in case someone tries to be a copycat**

(15:30)  **but thats a lie!**

(15:30)  **i actually got my spot peacefully when everyone agreed to me being the leader!**

(15:31)  **no bloodshed no people dying**

(15:31)  **its a democratic n peaceful way :3**

(15:31)  **i had only uh**

(15:31)  **scared away the other competitors thru non violent methods :)**

(15:34)  _ …I don’t know why did I expect anything. _

(15:34)  **nishishi~**

(15:34)  **im unpredictable to keep u on ur toes!**

 

*Ouma-kun? Is calling you*

…

*You accepted the call*

 

**“Nishishi~. Did you jump out of your seat?”**

_ “O-Ouma-kun! Please give a warning beforehand when you decide to call me.” _

**“Awh, but I’m trying to keep you on your toes! You never know how useful that is!”**

_ “And how exactly useful is that?” _

**“What if some super secret evil organization wanted to kidnap you? You might successfully escape it because you were kept on your toes!”**

_ “That’s a really vague explanation.” _

**“Nishishi~”**

_ “So it’s 3:40p.m., what was your other intention for calling me at this hour?” _

**“Awh, you got me! Saihara-chan knows what I want~”**

_ “Sigh. This is the 7th time you have asked me for a bedtime story. At these kinds of hours as well.” _

**“Because Saihara-chan is boring. Just listening to you bores me to death.”**

_ “...So what kind of story do you want today? We should also probably do something about your weird sleep schedules, it’s definitely not healthy.” _

**“Awh, Saihara-chan cares so much about my well-being! Don’t worry it’s night time somewhere in the world! Hm...I wanna hear about Saihara-chan’s day!”**

_ “It’s not night time  _ **_here_ ** _. Oka--Wait what? You want to hear about my day?” _

**“Well, Saihara-chan is a boring person, he will have a boring day, and will bore me to sleep listening to it. But that’s a lie! Saihara-chan is the most interesting person I have talked to! His day must be exciting~”**

_ “O-Okay...Ahem. Well, I woke up at 6.30 a.m. today.” _

**“Wow, Saihara-chan is an early bird!”**

_ “I have to attend the school’s graduation ceremony, that’s why.” _

**“So, if there’s no school would Saihara-chan be one of those people who sleeps till noon?”**

_ “I...try not to.” _

**“Nishishi~ Continue on with your day.”**

_ “I have my morning coffee.” _

**“Wait, wait. Does Saihara-chan takes his coffee black?”**

_ “Yes.” _

**“ *gasp* Saihara-chan is a terrifying human being.”**

_ “Please don’t tell me you take your coffee with 3 packets of sugar, that is wrong.” _

**“Excuse you, I take them with 5 packets of sugar.”**

_ “......I would continue on with my day by going on the bus to school.” _

**“Mhm, what did you do on the bus?”**

_ “I...uh...stare at people...and analyze them.” _

**“Ek?! Saihara-chan is a creep!”**

_ “No, I’m not! It’s practice!” _

**“Oh? Practices for your detective skills?”**

_ “Well, it’s something my uncle taught me.” _

**“That’s so cool!”**

_ “My place is pretty far, it takes about an hour to reach my destination.” _

**“Mhm.”**

_ “I nod my head at the guard and went towards the gym, where the graduation ceremony is held.” _

**“...Mhm.”**

_ “There wasn’t any interesting at the graduation ceremony. A lot of people crying, giving speeches, receiving their certificates. A lot of goodbyes and promises to keep in touch.” _

**“......hmm...those are always a lie though.”**

_ “I know...Ouma-kun, do you have sleeping problems?” _

**“......hmm? No…why did Shumai-chan ask that?”**

_ “Nevermind. There were people who came to congrats me on getting into Hope’s Peak Academy, but it felt kinda weird. I shrugged off their compliments.” _

**“......”**

_ “After that, I went to say goodbye to teachers who helped me a lot.” _

**“......”**

_ “The teachers were really nice, and I’m really grateful to them. The girl who I helped find their pet also came to see me. She congratulated and thanked me. It felt nice.” _

**“ *snores* ”**

_ “Ah, you are finally asleep. That was fast, I guess my day really bored you out huh?” _

**“ *snores* ”**

_ “Well. Goodnight, Ouma-kun. Sleep well.” _

 

*You ended the call with a smile*

 

* * *

  
  


(22:12)  _ If you are having problems sleeping, you can try writing a sleep diary. _

(22:22)  **thats such a boring chore**

(22:22)  **i’ll do it if shumai-chan does it for me!**

(22:32)  _ Sure. _

(22:34)  **rly?**

(22:35)  _ If it helps. _

(22:35)  **awhhhhhhhhhh**

(22:35)  **saihara-chan is the sweetest person ever <3 <3 <3**

(22:36)  **thanks <3<3<3**

(22:37)  _ You’re welcomed. We’ll start tomorrow. _

(22:38)  **does this mean i have a daily excuse to text u now?**

(22:38)  **or does saihara-chan wants me to text him more?**

(22:38)  **:0000000000000000000**

(22:38)  **is this ur tru intention?!?!?!**

(22:40)  _ I’m just trying to help. _

(22:41)  **nishishi~ alright!**

 

(A/N) In Ouma's phone, Saihara's contact name has been changed into Shumai-chan<3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its 2a.m. and i just finished this. Many mistakes and my brain blanked out alot, but if i dont post it now yall be getting this chapter next year and i dont want to do that 0^0. My exams are over but apparently my holiday is packed wtf. 
> 
> About the shumai thing uh. It was a question I had, being able to speak and understand chinese dialects. But listening to the voice clips, for jp it actually sounded similar, but for eng it had more of a difference. But there's also the fact that i never heard it from real china ppl (confusing complicated multiple accents). Im confused and should have deleted that part but hm.
> 
> oh right, i noticed this weeks ago but hello people who found me on tumblr (0u0)// I wud love to make frens but im horrible at socializing (0v0)// 
> 
> (0u0)// (0u0)// (0u0)// (0u0)// (0u0)// (0u0)// (0u0)// (0u0)//  
> Thank you for your patience and for reading this shitpost!
> 
>  
> 
> For the people who read down here: ((a shitpost i thought of but bc ss doesnt know ok's full name so))  
> Ouma: Saihara-chan! Give me a cute nickname!  
> Saihara: Uh...Ko...Kimchi?  
> Ouma: ......  
> Saihara: ......  
> Ouma: THATS SO SHIT I DONT EVEN EAT KIMCHI  
> Saihara: WELL I DONT EAT EVEN SHUMAI  
> Ouma: WHAT  
> Saihara: WHAT

**Author's Note:**

> honestly idk how frequent will updates be but uh. it will be a mess  
> Thank you for reading <3 and thank aivilo for helping some parts of it


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